Fun Stuff

17 Apr Not Heidi Fleiss ‏ @SassyPantssss

Yeah, I no I mixed up "your" & "you're" a couple tweets ago, butt eye deleted it so its knot like I'm a dumb.

17 Apr Dave Horwitz ‏ @Dave_Horwitz

I actually, literally "just threw up in my mouth a little." Not in the joke used by unfunny people. It was disgusting.

17 Apr Eli Braden ‏ @EliBraden

Obama ate my homework

17 Apr Matt Roller ‏ @rolldiggity

I'm ~80% sure that Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse are sharing one outfit where Donald got the hat and shirt and Mickey got the pants and shoes

16 Apr lauren caltagirone ‏ @MrsRupertPupkin

Opened a jar of pickles by myself. I guess everything's going to be alright after all.

16 Apr Jon Winokur ‏ @AdviceToWriters

A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit. RICHARD BACH #amwriting #writing #writetip

16 Apr Matt Roller ‏ @rolldiggity

How does beating someone with a roof shingle NOT count as constructive criticism?

10 Apr Matt Roller ‏ @rolldiggity

Life is a lot like Mario: You gotta murder a lot of turtles with fire before you get to fight a dinosaur for a princess over a lake of lava.

2 Apr Dave Chalker ‏ @DaveTheGame

"I sure do hate stuff." -People on the Internet.

2 Apr Kasey Anderson ‏ @KaseyAnderson

If Obama is worried about losing the "young voters" he should just pretend he's a cool TV show that might get canceled.

2 Apr Rob Kutner ‏ @ApocalypseHow

Justin Bieber's reportedly having trouble getting a mortgage. Another example of bank racism against those who try to sound black.

2 Apr Jon Winokur ‏ @AdviceToWriters

If writing seems hard, it’s because it is hard. WILLIAM ZINSSER #amwriting #writing #writetip

1 Apr Mary Charlene ‏ @IamEnidColeslaw

My sister just called me "corpulent." Quit making up words, space wizard!!!

1 Apr Jenny Johnson ‏ @JennyJohnsonHi5

I'm not proud of this, but I pretend to have conversations on my iPhone to get out of talking to annoying people. Okay, I'm a lil proud.

1 Apr Keith Baker ‏ @HellcowKeith

The night is dark and full of cookies.

1 Apr DRUNK HULK ‏ @DRUNKHULK

I had the weirdest dream. All I did was drink and tweet in all caps. And everyone encouraged my terrible behavior.

30 Mar E. Foley ‏ @geeksdreamgirl

Unlikely phrase found in an http://Amazon.com product review: "ever since I had my hand smashed in a packaging machine for potato chips"

29 Mar Jon Winokur ‏ @AdviceToWriters

You have to resign yourself to wasting lots of trees before you write anything really good. J.K. ROWLING #amwriting #writing #writetip

28 Mar Robin Laws ‏ @RobinDLaws

According to historical fundamentals, all Presidential candidates will lose the election.

27 Feb Sarah Beattie ‏ @nachosarah

guy fieri's like batman but instead of using a bat signal to call him you just stab a rotisserie chicken with a pool cue and wave it around

4 Feb Snipthia ‏ @Snipthia

Listen you troll! It's the simplest song there is. Look, like this 'Gold Gold Gold'? Gold Gold Gold- No! That's the SECOND verse! Pratchett

1 Feb Steve Winter ‏ @StvWinter

From last night's Tunnels & Trolls game: "We're gonna need more corpses."

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